She says it's only in my head

She says, shh, I know it's only in my head
But the girl on the car in the parking lot
Says, Man, you should try to take a shot
Can't you see my walls are crumbling?

Then she looks up at the building
Says she's thinking of jumping
She says she's tired of life
She must be tired of something

Counting Crows "Round Here"

Only in my head…

That’s the way it seems anyway. Life is being lived, but mine is only in my dreams…

As usual I am the queen of procrastination. Have still accomplished absolutely nothing I should have by now.

  • Married life? — Still the same. Still unhappy. Hubby still doesn’t seem to listen that I am extremely unhappy and I want him to move out.
  • Mental health/Addiction/Basic health care — nope, nope, nope
  • Personal Responsibilities— Student Loans, Taxes, Bills – nope. Can’t even bother to call them and make arrangements
  • Career? Hahahaha Yeah, not so much. Still not back to work, still slacking off
  • Plan to get what I want? Involves not working, acting crazy, excessive drug/drinking and spending money I should not.
  • Success rate – 0

I am just not good at this. Maybe I get it from my dad? He’s all crazy antisocial and whatever. I am just horrible at direct confrontation and am apparently very much a masochistic neurotic cursed kind of person. Doomed to never have anyone ever really listen and understand what she is saying.

So I go on. I drink, I pretend

But I am trying, in some small ways. It’s the little things that count. I’m not done yet

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