So had this big, long post going over on Reddit and the damn battery died before I finished and posted. It was one of those posts in the unsent letter community. 

Of course it was to my SB, which now stands for Side Bitch along with Stupid Bastard and Stubborn Asshole. I like that better than FL.

See! I’m still cool damn it. Using acronyms is trendy and stuff. Right? I may be in my 40s but I am not completely fucking lame yet. Trust me I am still very immature and prone to stupid decisions at times. Just like I was twenty something years ago. I certainly have a hard time thinking of myself as an adult. 

Good fucking God! I’m how old? When did this happen? I remember certain things like it was last week. I am horrified by the fact that some of those memories are over 25 yrs ago. Wtf. Where did my life go?

There’s that midlife crisis thing. The realization that my youth is officially over and I am only going to get older. My God, I’ll be 60 in less than 20 years. 

As the cool kids say… FML

But the unsent letter post is probably better off lost and unpublished. It’s more and more all the shit I should be saying instead of playing this game again.  

Then again, things are quite different from when we were last together.

He tells me he loves me. He messages me more than I do him. He is actually sweet sometimes and shows signs that he listens to some stuff I have said. 

Plus, this time around I do tell him that I love him. That I always have. I pretty much admitted to him that a lot of the kinky shit we did was not just cuz I’m a little freaky but because I loved him and wanted him to be happy.  I was too scared to say it back then, so I did my best to show him. Ive told him all kinds of shit the past year. I wasn’t lying when I told him that he had become one of my best friends and I talked to him more than most people.  

Honestly? That’s even weirder than being all stupid in love with him again. For like the hundredth time or whatever, yeah, that’s not the surprising part. It’s the fact that we’ve spent the past year without having actual sex or seeing one another but we still talked almost every day.  So yeah, that’s definitely a new aspect in this never-ending fucking story! Obviously he is still the one lesson I have not learned. The one thing I won’t give up or let go off regardless of whether it’s really worth it. 

Objectively speaking, things look more promising with him than the hubby. Go figure.

Yes.  I’m still trying to figure out how to get rid of him. He’s another stubborn ass. Apparently it’s a thing I find attractive in men. I’m definitely a sick lil girl haha

It’s Valentine’s Day. Like 8am. I’ve spent lots of his money. Stayed up all night getting fucking trashed and am now drinking his liquor. 

I’m not being a good wifey. But he just doesn’t want to accept that I am done with our marriage. I need a break. I don’t hate him, I wish I did. It would be easier to cut things off and end it if I did… 

I guess this is my passive aggressive way of trying to make him hate me.

Even though I could easily accomplish that with telling him I’m in love with SB and blaming it on that.

But no. 

That’s not really the truth. I do love the other guy, but I knew for awhile that I was not happy. To pawn it off on an affair that didn’t really happen would not be fair. The hubby deserves at least the truth. He would probably be angry enough to leave if I told him that… but deep down. I don’t want him to hate me. I just want him to listen. 

The truth is I was ready to leave yrs ago. I just really hate admitting that I am wrong and made a mistake. 

Maybe I should do a letter to the hubby.

Not that he would read it.

*sigh*

Happy Fucking Valentine’s Day Bitches!

Time to drink more whiskey mwahahaha

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