How do you use social media?

Obviously to stalk the objects of my affection. Well. Whichever one I love that day.

But hell yes, the internet has made it easy to keep up with my beloved and check in on their friends and family and location. It’s a lot more fun than when I was a kid and you could still call the person 100 times a day because there was no caller ID. Now you can pay $1 to get a background report with every phone number they have ever had. Back then instead of Google Maps we had to drive past your house at 3am. Wearing sunglasses.

OMG thank you creative geniuses who have made it not just possible but socially acceptable to put hidden apps on their phones to track their location.

#just’kidding

Don’t stalk people, that’s not cool people.

#I<3Sarcasm

#snarkybtch

#stalkingisNOTcool

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